Countess Hagula's Youth Juice is a formula purporting to restore youth, with a disclaimer at the bottom: May not actually work.
- The shavings of cadmium yellow paint from any generic scary painting. One with a full moon and/or castle works best.
- 1/3 cup pollen from the rare and endangered Star Orchid, which I coincidentally saw last weekend on display at the Crystal Cove Botanical Gardens.
- 2 teaspoons Chateau Rouge Crimson Ruby Rose Bordeaux 1911. Easily procured in spooky wine cellars of pretentious restaurants.
- Mix them all up in a bucket, garnish, gulp it all down, and sit in front of a mirror.
- The recipe fails to mention the fourth ingredient, the priceless cursed ruby called the Devil's Eye.